Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize