What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
