Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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