after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
false alarm. still invincible.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
