I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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