So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
