her vagina looked like bernie madoff
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
