I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
