I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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