Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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