I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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