get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
