Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
