trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
