Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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