Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
