he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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