how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We just shotgunned beers for America
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
