I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize