Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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