Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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