You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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