Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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