what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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