I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
