MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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