The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize