No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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