The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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