and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
