I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
