so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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