remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
