we have officially lost it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize