I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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