4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
