If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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