totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
