roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize