Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
