The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
