Please don't use social media to get back at me.
In America we eat man semen.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
