Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
