I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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