11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
