He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
