i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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