I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
