The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize