oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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