Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
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someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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