he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
