Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
