If i come over, it means nothing
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
