Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nutella sex= disaster
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
