im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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