when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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