Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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