his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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