he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
