I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
